Ridgwell walks off into the sunset…
by joseph ridgwell
Lit Fiends of the world, now gather round and listen to my sad tale. I bet you’ve been wondering why there’s been so little activity on this site in recent months. I bet this anomaly has been playing on your mind day in and day out, keeping you awake at night, leading to recurring nightmares that there might never be another Ridgwell book ever again, and your lonely life in bedsitter land just won’t be worth living. Well fear not. I’ve been busy writing, not surfing the web like countless other feeble-minded geeks. Man, they can’t stay away from the internet, they’re all saddled with a serious fucking monkey on their backs. In fact it’s bigger than a monkey, it’s a fucking gorilla, silverback an all. What happened to the days when people went out, you know like down the pub to have a chinwag with their mates whilst at the same time ogling the barmaids thrupenny bits? Anyway, I digress, for five years I’ve been blogging on this site and I think that most would agree that’s long enough for one man, even a man of my immense talent. That’s right, I’m calling it a day. Yes, there have been highs and lows, more highs than lows, but when the going gets tough the tough get the fuck out. The final straw that broke the weasel’s back was the revelation that readers of this site were now and again subject to capitalism’s most nauseous machination, that of the Advert. That’s right advertisements, marketing gimps polluting my site with their infantile sales gimmicks. Really, everyone involved in advertising must be retarded or something, with the lame duck ideas they bombard the unfortunate public with. Whatever it is you’ve got to sell I’m not interested.
Anyway, don’t believe me, watch the master in action.
I’ll let this site hang out in an obscure corner of the world wide web, floating on the information super highway like some weird Hubble bubble. Maybe I’ll even update the publications page once in a while. For more Ridgwell books are coming and coming soon, so don’t say you haven’t been warned and start saving those dollars, pounds, and pesos, and keep those sweaty fingers of yours hovering over those PayPal buttons.
2017 has been a quiet year for me publication wise, but 2018 promises to be a bumper year for Ridgwell books, and remember he who laughs last is the master. So now all that’s left to say is goodbye my fellow lit fiends, adios amigos, sayonara, adieu, so long, farewell, Toodle-pip. Yes, yes, you can watch as I walk off into the sunset, cold beer in hand, and a head full of dreams, wondering where the time goes and what will become of me. Sure we’ll meet again, it’s just I don’t know where and I don’t know when. Ah, weep not for me fellow literary comrades for I must continue on my lonely road, always seeking illuminations, always in search of the lost elation wherever he or she maybe. No. no, now now, there’s a good lit fiend, don’t cry, be a man or a woman, and hold your head up high….
Milk Race Fans – I know you’ll be weeping into your Kleenex, moved to tears because this is the last time you’ll get any Super 8mm action from old Ridgwell. Well. I’m afraid the time has come and remember nothing good lasts forever. But to compensate you for the void that now appears in your depraved and perverted little lives I’ve saved the best till last. Feast yours crazy screwball optics on this 4th Emergency Service Top Gun Room eyeball cruncher. Yes, here it is in all it’s legendary 8mm glory. The one and only, the pic everyone in the know talks about in hushed conspirator tones. Does it really exist? Of course if fucking does. Now una, dos, tres – Everybody’s got new clothes, makes me feel kinda old….
And here’s a couple of pomes taken from my latest collection – Cosmic Gigantic Flywheel – publication of which is imminent, just like nuclear war between the States and North Korea is imminent. Hopefully it will remind you of the times we’re living in and no matter how bad things seems, hope is all you need to carry on. And remember do everything whilst young and don’t leave anything too late, for there’s nothing worse than too late!